Getting clear on our dreams: uncovering the heart of our motivation
A common piece of advice when we are going for our dreams in life, is to ‘know your why’.
We may be very connected to our WHY:
For our children, family, society, the world.
As women, we can be especially motivated by our feelings. We can feel so inspired that this vision keeps us going for years without our realising we have any obstacles in our path. We may be oblivious to the dynamics driving us or others, or even the position of our business. Things may appear to be going well when we are fuelled by inspiration.
We celebrate all the energy galvanised within us when we focus on our inspired vision, our why. Yet even with the awareness of the inspired why, underneath our inspired why, our underlying unconscious bias and orientation is often driving us away from the outcome we’d love, keeping us in the perpetual pursuit instead of graciously receiving. This is our hidden why in action.
When this is the case, business may be going well, yet home life is a disaster, or home life is great, and work is hard. Essentially there is a discrepancy between our dreams and our accomplishments of those dreams in the face of the reality we live in another area of our life.
Very often we might assume this is totally normal, this is just life! This is just what we must sacrifice to attain our dreams.
When we sacrifice ourselves and others in the pursuit of our dreams, we are setting up compromise in one or more areas of our reality. Unconsciously we believe there isn’t enough of whatever it is, so someone or something must pay the price. This results in leading a life of punishment, resentment, and stress.
So, what needs to happen to get clear on our dreams and ditch the sacrifice, compromise, and punishment of self and or others?
Firstly, we recognise that our hidden WHY doesn’t lay in our current situation, circumstances, vision, or projections about the future.
The hidden WHY, until we face it fully, comes from the past.
In what we are unconsciously trying to resolve about ourselves or our situation.
The situation we are dealing with is often not the current reality of life, but a situation we faced as children, inherited fears or expectations, unresolved trauma, or buried grief.
This unconscious orientation compels us to go after what we are determined to obtain, or to avoid our true calling and makes it way harder for us in the process. We may experience never succeeding, things always falling apart when we do or ending up trapped in a workaholic routine rather than being able to enjoy the fruits of our labour.
If we grew up being invalidated or dismissed, our need to prove our significance or power will be in the driver’s seat of the projects we choose, the work we align with, the people we listen to or not and ultimately the decisions we make. This has a massive impact on the dreams we fulfil.
If we grew up thinking and feeling the world is very unsafe, this will also drive our why: the need to create so much security, that the only way we can achieve it is by making millions or controlling others.
And THIS is the very perilous path in entrepreneurship which can derail even the most accomplished business unless it is addressed.
When we are going for our dreams, the question isn’t just about what we would love, or why, it’s also about what are we moving away from? What are we wanting to resolve by seeing this vision and dream fulfilled? What are we looking to give by going for this dream? Or are we only looking to get?
Are we choosing because our idea looks good in someone else’s reality or are we tapped into our true essence and what our nature would love to bring to the table?
One will give us push and struggle, the other brings ease and effortlessness.
When we answer these questions, we begin to free up space for real possibility and opportunity to arrive, with half the effort and struggle.
We give up the chase and get clear on the dreams that are truly ours for the taking, for the creating.
This isn’t to say that no effort is required, rather, the effort we put in from our essence is joyful and natural action that is obvious and always the next step. Whereas when we are forcing through a dream based on the former unacknowledged needs it will always be hard, difficult, or stressful.
We may even be going for exactly the right dream for us, only experiencing struggle as we have yet to clean up our hidden why.
So, when you are choosing your dreams check first! What is your hidden why?
Ask yourself:
Is this something I would love because I’d love it, or is this something I am choosing to gain significance, validation, money, or control?
What am I looking to get away from that I envision this dream will provide?
Am I happy and fulfilled within myself right now that pursuing this dream will simply add more joy to?
Taking the time to uncover your answers to these questions can be the difference between living a life of struggle or the fulfilment and attainment of your dreams.
Let me know in the comments what you uncover about your dreams and your hidden why!
For support and guidance in getting clear on what’s true for your abundant essence, check out my 2022 program Be Giant. Schedule a call with me to find out more at www.ealtd.co.uk or follow me on Instagram @your.confidante
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Elizabeth Adams spent her 20's chasing the entrepreneurial dream, resulting in making £33M for one of the UK's largest publishers whilst holding it together as a solo parent surviving on state welfare.
After 15 years of sacrifice and struggle she learnt to address the underlying root cause of her workaholic compulsion, taking the following ten years in studying the structural dynamics of human behaviour, the role of tantra in creating what we love and allowing grace to lead our lives.
Today she is working on her second book along side supporting clients internationally as an accredited Mastercoach in her role at
