Planning an LGBTQI+ Family

Many people want a family more extensive than just them and their partner. While found families are an essential part of your personal relationships, you may find a time when you and your partner are ready to welcome one or more children into your life.

LGBTQI+ family planning requires some effort — but as long as you're determined, you can build the family you always dreamed of having.

Things to Know Before LGBTQI+ Family Planning

Before having a family, you need to feel prepared. LGBTQI+ family planning isn't all that different from any other form of family planning — you just may need to take a few extra steps to have the family you want. Still, preparing yourself to start a family is the same, regardless of gender or sexuality.

1. Have Patience

Whether you and your partner are trying to have children biologically or hoping to adopt them, you need patience. Hardly anything works out correctly the first time for most families — and that's okay. There are over 100,000 kids waiting for adoption in the United States and if you're planning to open your home to them, you must learn to be patient.

Having patience can also help you understand how best to handle stressful situations. By regulating your emotions well, you benefit both yourself and your mental health as well as those of your relationships. Take time to ensure you're ready for parenthood before anything else.

2. Model a Strong Relationship

You want your children to look up to their parents and see them as a model of the types of relationships they should have once they're adults. If you and your partner think you might need a sturdier foundation before bringing children into your lives, consider couples therapy.

This counselling can help you with communication and intimacy issues, building a stronger bond over time. That way, you can show your future children what true love is.

3. Have a Health Coverage Plan

Before adopting children, you must make sure you have a healthcare plan to support them in case anything goes wrong. If you or your partner is planning to have a baby biologically, having health coverage makes it much easier to attend check-ups and screen for any issues during the pregnancy. Pregnancy can be costly from start to finish — without insurance, the constantly-rising prices of drugs or in-patient care can take a toll on your wallet.

These high costs may make parenthood seem far away, but there are ways to mitigate this. Insurance can bring prices down by thousands of dollars, so it's worth shopping for coverage that fits your family's needs. Make sure to question your potential health insurance providers about how a new baby will affect your deductibles and copays, and plan for your family every step of the way.

Adoption Options for LGBTQI+ Starting a Family

With so many children available for adoption worldwide, you have plenty of options. An LGBTQI+ family planning for adoption is no different from any straight and cisgender couples adopting. Though you shouldn't have to tolerate unaccepting behaviour, you should stay strong through it all and remember you'll get to adopt a child when the time is right.

1. International Adoption

One option your family has is to go abroad. Depending on the region you adopt your child from, you can expect costs to either drop or go up. International adoption starts at around $15,000, which is about $5,000 less than a cheaper domestic adoption. Do some research — this option may be the most cost-effective and worthwhile for your family.

2. Public Adoption

Public adoption is also known as foster-to-adopt, meaning you would foster the child before formally adopting them into your family. This method is a low-cost way to adopt a child, but you have to remember —  some places may have laws discriminating against LGBTQI+ foster and adoptive parents. These can make family planning a bit more complicated.

3. Agency Adoption

This is what everyone tends to think of when they consider adoption. The price of an agency adoption will vary depending on where you live or the state you adopt from. Still, in some cases, you can expect it to be a little more costly than public or international adoption. Throughout this adoption, you’ll have an agency assisting you and finding the right child for you. It might involve longer wait times, which gives you a chance to put your patience into practice.

Conception Options for LGBTQI+ People Starting a Family

LGBTQI+ family planning sometimes involves the processes of pregnancy. Even if you and your partner cannot conceive by yourselves, that doesn't mean biological children are out of the question. As long as one or both of you could contribute to conception, you have the option of conceiving your own child.

1. Surrogacy

Surrogacy occurs when a person who can become pregnant uninvolved with the parents-to-be carries the child for them. Sometimes, the surrogate can provide the egg or might just carry the fertilized egg to term. The surrogate has to follow plenty of guidelines — sometimes relating to age and healthy past pregnancies — to be eligible. It's a worthwhile option for couples who want an outside source to be pregnant but whose journey they would like to follow the whole way.

2. Third-Party Reproduction

Your family can involve a "third party" in the reproductive process by using an egg or sperm donor, but they won't have any role in parenthood. This option is excellent for same-sex couples who might need some assistance in having a child and going through the steps of pregnancy. The third person would just be a donor — and you or your partner might get to carry the child yourselves, if possible.

Family Planning Should Be Exciting

You have no shortage of options for adopting a child or having one biologically. Just because LGBTQI+ family planning can look slightly different than the stereotypical family planning the media frequently features doesn't mean it's impossible. You may have to jump through a few more hurdles, but each leap will be worth it to build a beautiful family.

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Beth, the Managing Editor and content manager at Body+Mind, is well-respected in the mental health, nutrition and fitness spaces. In her spare time, Beth enjoys cooking and going for runs with her dog.