Fertility, Fear, and the Holidays: How to Find Calm When You’re Falling Apart

For much of my life, I believed success was a direct result of hard work and determination. Like many high-performing women, I approached every goal with relentless focus, trusting that sheer effort could overcome any obstacle. And for a while, it did. I built a thriving career, travelled the world, and cultivated a rich social life. On the surface, it looked like I had it all.

But behind closed doors, I was crumbling.

For six years, I fought an invisible battle: infertility. It consumed me. Each month brought fresh hope, followed by crushing disappointment. I endured countless tests and invasive procedures, each one chipping away at my spirit. My body, once strong and capable, began to revolt. Diagnoses of celiac disease, chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, and depression piled up. It felt as if my body was shutting down—and my mind wasn’t far behind.

By Christmas 2016, I had hit rock bottom. My husband, a FIFO (fly-in, fly-out) worker, was away for the holidays, and I faced the season alone. That year, I couldn’t bring myself to decorate, attend gatherings, or even join my family. Instead, I locked myself in my house with my dogs and cried.

I remember sitting there, surrounded by silence, feeling utterly hollow. Social media was filled with glowing photos of happy families, joyful children, and pregnancy announcements. I felt like life was passing me by as if I were stuck in an endless cycle of pain and longing. The isolation was suffocating. I thought, How did I get here? Why can’t I just fix this?

If you’re reading this and nodding along, I want you to know: I see you. I understand the unique pain of being a high-achiever in so many areas, only to face a challenge that feels insurmountable. The weight of that struggle can feel unbearable, especially during the holidays.

Why the Holidays Hit So Hard

For women navigating infertility—or any deeply personal challenge—the festive season can feel like a perfect storm of emotional triggers. Family gatherings often revolve around children, and well-meaning but painful questions like, “When are you going to have kids?” seem unavoidable. Social media only amplifies the sting, offering a constant stream of curated joy: matching pyjamas, glowing pregnancy announcements, and “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments.

For high-achieving women, there’s an added layer of stress. You’re used to solving problems, hitting goals, and staying in control. But infertility (or any deep emotional pain) is not a problem you can outwork or outthink. The disconnect between your external accomplishments and internal struggles can feel disorienting—and exhausting. And stress, as we know, takes a profound toll on both your mind and body.

The Science of Stress

When we’re under chronic stress, our nervous system shifts into survival mode: “fight or flight.” In this state, your body prioritizes immediate survival functions—like managing cortisol levels—over processes deemed “non-essential,” such as digestion, immune function, and yes, reproduction.

This doesn’t mean stress directly causes infertility, but the connection between mind and body is undeniable. The constant flood of stress hormones can leave you feeling physically drained, emotionally raw, and mentally scattered. It’s as if you’re running a marathon with no finish line in sight.

But here’s the thing: while you can’t always control the source of your stress, you can learn to regulate your response to it. That’s where the power of grounding comes in.

A Simple, Grounding Technique to Find Calm

During my darkest moments, I discovered a simple tool that became a lifeline: a grounding breathing exercise. It’s powerful in its simplicity, and it’s something you can do anytime, anywhere, to bring yourself back to the present moment. Here’s how it works:

1. Find a quiet space (if possible) and sit comfortably. Close your eyes and take a deep, intentional breath through your nose. As you inhale, imagine the air travelling down through your body, all the way to your feet.

2. Root yourself. As you exhale, picture your breath anchoring you to the ground, like the roots of a tree digging deep into the earth. Feel the stability beneath you, supporting you.

3. Focus on your nervous system. Visualize an invisible line running down the centre of your body, from the top of your head to your feet. This line represents your central nervous system. With each breath, imagine this line becoming calmer, steadier, and more balanced.

4. Breathe intentionally. Continue this process for a few minutes, allowing each breath to pull you out of your racing thoughts and back into the present moment.

This practice isn’t about eliminating stress—that’s not realistic. Instead, it’s about creating a moment of calm in the chaos. It’s about reminding your body and mind that, even amid uncertainty, you can find stability within yourself.

Building Resilience One Breath at a Time

Grounding exercises like this are more than just a quick fix. Over time, they can help train your nervous system to recover more quickly from stress, building a sense of resilience. For high-performing women, this can be especially powerful, as it allows you to tap into your strength and focus—not by pushing harder, but by slowing down.

Finding Support This Holiday Season

If this resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to my free live workshop, “Fertility in the Festive Season,” happening this Monday, 16th December, at 8:00 p.m. AEDT. Together with Dr. Devorah Lieberman and Claire Hall, we’ll explore how to manage stress and find calm during this emotionally charged time of year.

💌 Click here to register: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZIlfuGprT4rHt0Q-ZbQ4d2whzyZ7C7hTpqz

After the 16th of December, I will have a replay available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, and I’ll happily send you a recording of this incredibly powerful and informative session.

If you’d like further information or support, please don’t hesitate to reach out via my website at www.louisesiwicki.com or send me a DM on any of my socials. I’m Louise Siwicki-Walmore, and I’m here to help.

Moving Forward with Compassion

The holidays may never be “easy” when you’re navigating deep challenges, but they don’t have to feel completely overwhelming either. By incorporating small grounding practices and giving yourself space to move through this season in your own way, you can begin to find moments of peace amidst the storm.

This season, I hope you give yourself the gift of grace, compassion, and calm. Because you deserve it. Always.

Sending love Lou x

Louise Siwicki (executive fertility coach and passionate workplace advocate)

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Louise Siwicki is a global award-winning Executive Fertility Coach and passionate Workplace Advocate, as well as the Head of Development for the European Fertility Society. She has supported hundreds of high-performing women worldwide on their path to motherhood, empowering them to overcome challenges and realise their dream of becoming a mum. Through her workplace advocacy, Louise partners with organisations to foster inclusive environments that support fertility and well-being, ensuring employees feel empowered and understood. Her dual mission is to transform both individual journeys and workplace cultures, breaking down barriers and paving the way for positive change and the path to parenthood.