Rush of Love, Or Lack Of
Have you ever been super excited about something like a gift, or perhaps a holiday, but once it comes, even though it lives up to all your expectations you still don't feel how you expected to feel?
Well....babies can be the same.
After battling infertility for 4 years, I was finally blessed with my baby and once he was born, I was left waiting for this absolutely amazing RUSH OF LOVE, one like no other.. Because we've been told about it so often, it becomes an expectation.
"it'll be a love like no other".
And as a mom, I do REALLY truly love my children. Unconditionally. BUT -that rush of love was not INSTANT. It wasn't moment I laid eyes on them. I mean I expected it to be, but it didn't come.
Actually after the birth of my first child the immediate thought was "woah..... I've got to look after this baby now SHIIIIIIT"
And after the second was..
"Well she's a funny looking thing, I hope she doesn't make a habit of this crying lark."
My rush of love came three days later, along with the three day weepies.
And with my second, it was a gradual build of love. No defining moment.
Strange right? Not really.. Turns out actually this is common and people don't talk about it.
So basically, I'm gonna tell you about it. We are programmed as moms, maternal and amazing, but we're not all the same; and we don't all feel the same. And there's NO SHAME if that love doesn't come straight away, I mean theres no doubt that we do love them because they're ours, but it's definitely not the overwhelming feeling that I had dreamed of. Y'know?
I do feel like this expectation puts masses of pressure on us as mums. It did me anyway, and let's be honest it's hard to think about love when you're downright exhausted, stitched and heavily bleeding.
But this expectation had me feeling like I wasn't right as a mom, like, was I not a good mom? Was there something wrong with me? Is this postnatal depression?
If you feel like you're not bonding with your little bambino or are worried that you have baby blues or post natal depression you should definitely chat about it with your midwife, let them put your mind at ease and help you; but I do think this pressure and expectation is well... A little bit much.
So sure, some people feel an instant rush of love, some feel it after a while, and some it needs to build but please never feel like what you feel is wrong, you're a great mama and there is NOTHING wrong with you. ❤️
