How to Set Emotional Boundaries

It’s a social standard we recognise: little boys are directing the kickball field, while the little girls play “house” together in the grass. At a young age, women are socialised for communication and emotional connection with friends and others, rather than leadership.

This widespread practice often places women in positions where their emotional well-being is not valued. However, it is important to monitor your relationships and boundaries to nurture yourself, your mental health, and your happiness.

Setting an emotional boundary is truly an act of committed love and empowerment.

The Truth About Emotional Boundaries: Why Do We Set Them?

Setting an emotional boundary allows you to form clear goals toward respect and communication. This goal can be about sharing honest feelings, allowing some private time, or re-evaluating any co-dependency or tension.

By paying attention to your needs and feelings, you are participating in a form of self-care and mental health maintenance. Just as we exercise to keep our bodies healthy, our relationships need care, too.

Join the league of women everywhere who are nourishing their spirits, emotions, and relationships by outlining borders in their life. To start your empowering journey, consider the steps below.

Trust Yourself

Setting clear definitions of comfort is essential for any relationship. Women are consistently undermined for their so-called “emotional nature,” but this is only a harmful stereotype. Believe that your feelings and concerns are valid.

If you are feeling uncomfortable in a relationship, trust in your ability to make this boundary and take care of yourself.

For some people, a lack of boundaries may have caused trauma and a lapse in mental health. Consider your feelings and see if treatment or therapy is the right next step for your healing journey.

Your Voice Is Your Power

When you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, it can be hard to speak up. Some people face fear-inducing anxiety towards change or potential arguments, while others may have a hard time placing their own needs first.

In times of fear, think back to the first step and trust that you are making this decision for the good of your health and happiness. Jot down your thoughts in a journal, type up a plan, or record a message for yourself on your commute.

Any way to let yourself speak your thoughts into the world is a step in the right direction.

Setting Concrete Goals

When speaking to your loved one, colleague, or friend, highlight that this boundary is meant to strengthen the relationship. Your honesty proves that you care. Choose a quiet, calm place to hear each other clearly and have the privacy to set concrete goals.

If your boundary is about private time, you could set up a weekly time period made for this space. Some people who discourage negative or harsh language toward each other have a money jar for those who break the commitment.

Other practices, like learning how to say “no,” may be harder to track. Keeping a journal or scheduled touch points to speak openly about your relationship is a good way to monitor progress.

The Spectrum of Relationship Dynamics

Relationships can be anything from co-workers to cashiers, so the intimacy levels range widely. Again, journaling is a good way to reflect on your web of relationships and see which ones need to be addressed.

Family relationships might have many years of unresolved conflict and romantic relationships have their own balance of love, lust, or privacy. Friendships also vary greatly in intimacy and trust levels, but the privacy boundaries with your barista will look much more formal.

Sometimes your counterpart will not be completely open to working with you towards a healthy boundary either, and this may mean professional counselling may be the best choice.

There are also cases where an emotional boundary means little to no contact with someone – essentially an emotional “breakup” for lack of a better phrase. Though this may be a tough conclusion to come to, it may be necessary to protect yourself from harsh language and negativity. Consider this option when you find yourself in abusive or consistently unfulfilling situations.

Always tailor your boundary plan to the nature of your relationship so you can grow and mature in the best way possible.

Stand Tall

Embrace self-care and stand up for your emotional needs. Women have consistently been stereotyped for an attention to relationships and feelings, but these are true traits of strength and power.

In fact, recognising when your emotional centre needs realignment and reacting in a healthy manner is a brave and mature move. You are your own constant companion, so nurturing yourself is an important part of life. Listen, watch, and speak kindly to yourself.

By voicing your needs, trusting your feelings, and recognising the nature of your specific relationship, you can set emotional boundaries and have a happy, fulfilling life.

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Mia Barnes is a health and wellness writer and the Editor In Chief at Body+Mind. She especially enjoys writing about mental health, physical well-being, mindfulness, and healthy living. When she's not writing, you can find Mia reading romance novels, jogging, and trying new recipes!