Weddings. They’re meant to celebrate love, unity, and the promise of a shared future. But if we’re honest, they often end up embracing old ideas and values that no longer resonate with us modern, feminist women, right? Well, it can be that way, but your wedding doesn’t have to embrace those old-fashioned conventions that don’t speak to you; you can make your big day an empowering one too. Here’s how:

1. Flip the Script When You Walk Down the Aisle

In the past, it was expected that a father would walk his daughter down the aisle and hand her over to the groom like some sort of prized sheep, but you know what? As adorable as this may be, some women find it very archaic, and you can switch it up by walking yourself down the aisle, having mum and dad take you down, or walking with your partner. This means that everyone who you love and has supported can be included, and it makes it feel less like a transaction to benefit men.

2. Write Your Own Vows

Does the phrase “to obey” make you cringe? Ditch any vow that makes you feel more servant than soulmate. Writing your own vows can be a brilliant way to ensure you’re making promises that ring true to your actual relationship (and your vision of partnership). If you do stick with more traditional wording, tweak them so they reflect an equal, modern relationship. You know, one where “bringing home the bacon” can be a team effort—or a “both of us mostly live off takeaway” vibe, if that’s more your style.

3. A More Inclusive Wedding Party

Who says bridesmaids must be all women and groomsmen all men? If your closest friend happens to be of a different gender, bring them on board! Call them a “bridesman” or a “groomsgal,” or skip the labels altogether—no one’s going to confuse them for the florist, trust us. Your wedding squad should be made up of the people you love and admire most, regardless of gender.

4. The Name Game: Keep It or Ditch It

If you’re thrilled to take your partner’s surname, go for it! If you’d rather keep your own, that’s perfectly fine too. Surnames can get complicated in the patriarchy department, but there’s no reason you can’t come up with a new double-barrelled mash-up, or even invent a surname you both like better—who’s to stop you from becoming the illustrious “Mr and Mrs Starshine,” after all?

5. Your Feminist Wedding in Photos

Your wedding photographer can help capture your big day in all its equality-tinged glory—just let them in on your rebellious spirit. Tell them if you want non-traditional poses, if you’d like to forego the “bride kneeling at the groom’s feet” shot, or if you simply want those sweet little moments that reflect genuine partnership. Believe it or not, a few well-planned snaps can showcase your egalitarian approach as beautifully as any vow.

6. Split That Bill (and Everything Else)

Gone are the days when the bride’s family was expected to cough up for the whole affair while the groom’s family lounged about. Talk about budget and costs openly, and share finances in a way that feels fair to everyone. Whether that means each family contributes equally or the couple foots the bill themselves, do what aligns with your personal dynamics. Nothing says “modern marriage” quite like good old-fashioned fiscal transparency.

Here’s to a wedding that’s fun, feisty and more than a little bit feminist because you big day should be about he things you value the most!

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