The scene in ‘Everything I Know About Love’ that put everything into perspective

It’s not often that I would describe watching a TV monologue as a pivotal moment in my life.

The last episode of the BBC adaption of Dolly Alderton’s best-selling debut novel, ‘Everything I Know About Love’, however, was just that.

After being an avid listener of The High Low podcast hosted by Dolly and good friend Pandora Sykes for several years, when her memoir came out in January 2018, I - and I imagine every other listener of the podcast - went straight to the nearest bookshop and lapped up all 368 pages in a mere couple of days.

So once it was confirmed that the novel was going to be taken to the screen, I knew that any adaption had to be pretty damn good. I mean, we live in an era of Normal People; I was intrigued by how it would be adapted, as well as what was going to be the internet equivalent of Connell’s chain. Not to mention that producers from the likes of Bridget Jones’ Diary and Love Actually had been called up to help.

A good few year's after the book release, the BBC show came out in early 2022, and as expected, displayed the character’s in all their resplendent Millenial glory. The book’s homage to the wondrous mess that is your twenties - the undeniable need for (and beauty of) female friendships, the impulsive decisions that lead to the best stories, the sexcapades, the laughter, and the loss - all translate into what can only be described as a breathtaking and scarily accurate depiction of living in London.

For me though, the scene that brought it all home, the speech I still think of months later, the moment that made me sit up and listen more than any other, was in the last episode. Maggie (the main character based on Dolly herself) has arrived back from New York after spending a week working and partying, but ultimately feeling alone and miserable. Her mum has picked her up from the airport and whilst they sit in the car, her mum says:

‘You’re an extraordinary person, Maggie. I know you don’t think you are, and I know you only think I’m saying that because I’m your mum (and maybe I am only saying that because I’m your mum). I know I’m embarrassing you, but just let me say something and then I won’t say it again.

I think that you are looking for an extraordinary kind of love, but I don’t think, for what it’s worth, that you want to be loved in extraordinary way. I think what you want, is to be loved plainly and quietly, without spectacle or anxiety - like Birdy loves you.

And I know it’s fun for now, to set off all sorts of bombs in your own life. But one day, as hard as it is to believe, you won’t need to because things will be dramatic enough. There’ll be sickness, and breakdowns, and bankruptcy. And I know you think Dad and I are obsessed with cancer, but honestly there’ll be so much fucking cancer everywhere. Every day it will be like a weather report for it: Monday - Pancreatic, Tuesday - Testicular, Wednesday - Ovarian.

The world will feel like a war zone, and you want the person you love to feel like peace. Someone who will listen to you, and make you laugh, do a crossword with you at breakfast.

OK, I’m finished now.’

Maybe part of the reason that this speech resonates so much with me, is that I see so much of myself in Maggie. I’ve made the same mistakes in romance and in life; I’ve ignored all of my friends’ advice and better judgement, I’ve chased the wrong thing and the wrong person (not necessarily at the same time), and I’ve failed to realise that the people who are supportive, the ones who have ‘loved me quietly’, are the ones whose relationships have endured in all of the most important moments of my life.

It’s that realisation - that love isn’t fireworks, loud noises, singing from rooftops or a supernova of colour and chaos - that has put everything into perspective. I would never change those experiences, because immersing yourself in every whim and crazy idea is what it is to be young. Though I’m not old, I can say now as I approach my 30th year, that I am more aware that as those wild nights and insatiable experiences become less frequent (but never gone, I won’t let them!), maybe there is something even more insatiable about comfort, stability and having people in your life who support you.

Even though it’s arguably less desirable to watch on screen or told as a hedonistic story, maybe the best tale of love, be it platonic or otherwise, is one of consistency.

Just a little something to think about.

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Founder of The C Word Magazine, Emily is currently living in London. She is passionate about art, travel, culture, cinema, fashion, sports, feminism and a whole lot more. She is currently working on her own podcast with a friend and also dabbles in graphic design, when not doing her day job as an Associate Director of Media Planning. Find her on Instagram @emlrking or chatting on Confession Sessions, The C Word Mag’s own podcast.