Navigating restriction

In the last 3 months I’ve been hesitant to write, constantly second guessing everything that comes to mind and for some reason I’ve have had some major self-doubt with my inner critic running wild. The number of documents I’ve started and not finished is getting beyond a joke, luckily, I’ve upgraded my iCloud storage, ha-ha. 

Since the ridiculousness of COVID-19 I’ve felt very stagnant and like I don’t really have a purpose or anything to look forward to (very dramatic, I know). I had made some big plans for 2020 and had a long list of places I wanted to visit which have all obviously fallen through. I have been so frustrated and disappointed, which I’m sure so many others have felt too.

I didn’t really have a backup plan and found it quite hard to deal with when all the borders closed and restrictions were put in place. I was feeling sorry for myself and crying poor me, like my problems were the most important thing ever and I remember thinking to myself ‘Doesn’t everyone know I’ve got plans?’ and to be completely honest I just wanted to chuck a huge childish tantrum and have it all go away so I could continue on my merry way. 

I realised that not being able to travel has had a big impact on me, especially when it comes to writing, as I get a lot of motivation and inspiration through my experiences, places I visit and people I meet. I’m always travelling to new places, experiencing different things or always have a plan for the next adventure which fills my soul and lights me up. In the last couple of years, I don’t think I’ve been home longer than a few months before I’m off again to somewhere else. Because I haven’t been anywhere in the last 6 month’s I’ve felt like I have nothing exciting going on therefore nothing to write about. 

I started to tell myself that because I wasn’t travelling or receiving the inspiration from my trips, that there was no point in writing because no one would want to read about the other things I had to say anyway. This is the most ridiculous thing, and even just writing it makes me feel like an idiot for ever thinking that, but I guess we all tell ourselves silly things sometimes.

In 2018 I started my blog because I was craving a creative outlet and because I found a love for writing that I didn’t even know existed. I wanted to document my life in a fun/creative way and to share my experiences and thoughts with others, regardless if anyone read it or not and that I might even inspire someone along the way. It was also something for myself to look back on in years to come and know what I was doing, how I was feeling in that moment and also how much progress I had made. I also remember telling myself when I first started writing that I wouldn’t put any pressure on myself to produce a certain amount of posts per year, and that each piece would come from pure enjoyment and inspiration rather than being forced and it feeling like work. 

As the days have gone by in the last 3 months, I’ve had some amazing synchronicities happen that have shown me that timing is everything and some things aren’t meant to work out because better things are in store. I’ve been slowly finding my spark and purpose again and have had a lot of time to re-assess all my goals and figure out what is important to me as well as get back to the reasons why I write and do what I do. Not only have I had some very special and impacting people come into my life, I’ve discovered new motivators and realised that travelling doesn’t define me and my writing. My potential and what I have to say is much more than that.

I’m sure international travel will eventually happen again and the minute restrictions are lifted I will be booking a ticket, however in the meantime, I will be embracing my new motivation and showing gratitude for the wave of emotions and feelings that I moved through so I could unlock different areas of inspiration in myself and think outside the box when it comes to writing.