Miscarriage: Why is it a Discussion We Don’t Want to Have?

Trying to get pregnant is not always a smooth process- and it can be an upsetting and frustrating time for many couples, or those choosing to try for a baby.

But even though we are slowly starting to understand more about fertility and the issues facing those having a baby- there are still certain subjects with a big stigma attached to them. 

More and more it seems that discussions about upsetting subjects such as miscarriage are conversations that society and the media do not want to have- and that’s something we need to change!

Why is Miscarriage a Discussion We Don’t Want to Have?

Miscarriage is a tough subject to handle- and like all topics that concern grief, it can be an uncomfortable conversation. Miscarriage has had quite a shameful past, with media from the late twentieth-century speaking of miscarriage only when a healthy baby followed soon afterwards- and continuing the harmful attitude that women should stay quiet about any difficulties they may have before or after birth.

And some of this shame seems to have stuck around. Miscarriage continues to be viewed as a shameful, taboo subject by society and the media- making miscarriage an uncomfortable subject for expectant mothers to bring up. The silence that shrouds miscarriage can leave couples feeling isolated and alone when it comes to confronting their grief.

Miscarriage should be a topic we start to discuss more and more, especially when we want to support a loved one, friend, or a family member who has gone through this upsetting experience. 

Below, find a few reasons why miscarriage needs to be part of the discussion about fertility- and how to support someone you love through this difficult time.

Unfortunately, it’s a Common Occurrence.

For women who know they are pregnant, 10-15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. And 1 in 100 women will experience repeat miscarriages. Unfortunately, miscarriage is a relatively common occurrence for pregnant women- and chances are we will all know someone who experiences this heart-breaking event.

If people were more aware of the amount of people affected by miscarriage, perhaps they would feel more open about coming forward about their own experiences, whether they’ve experienced a miscarriage or want to know how to support a loved one.

When it comes to films and TV shows, couples always seem to fall pregnant as soon as they start trying and miscarriages are hardly ever shown on screen. We need to make it clear that pregnancy is not all plain-sailing. Many people may experience several miscarriages before they have a child, or may be unable to conceive. It takes time and patience for some people to get pregnant.

We Can Understand Personal Experiences

Miscarriage also needs to be part of the discussion on fertility because of the support we can offer those experiencing disappointment. Losing a baby in this way can cause feelings of sadness and grief. There’s no right way to deal with miscarriage, but by having conversations about these experiences, we can understand how to support people who have miscarriages and accept the range of experiences for grieving couples. 

Without understanding personal experiences, there’s no way to know the support that people need in the aftermath of a miscarriage - whether it is their first, or one of many. 

There are a few fantastic charities that support people who are grieving from the loss of a baby through miscarriage. Tommy’s is a great place to find support throughout your journey getting pregnant, and the Miscarriage Association helps mothers understand that they are not alone.

Celebrities are Paving the Way

Luckily, the discussion on miscarriage is starting to pick up, and whether you agree with their views or not, celebrities are paving the way to showing the wider public that miscarriages are often a common occurrence.

Back in 2020 Meghan Markle announced that she had lost a baby to miscarriage, and this honesty and bravery shows other couples that anyone can experience a miscarriage. 

Chrissy Teigen, American model and TV personality, also spoke about her heart-breaking experience of birthing a still-born with her husband, singer John Legend. Speaking about this experience openly and honestly online, Teigan showed that it is okay for women and couples to talk about the bad side of pregnancy and it is important to remember that the road to creating a family is not always smooth.

While these experiences are great to see, opening up about a miscarriage doesn’t have to be a public thing. By speaking out about their experiences, celebrities show that it’s okay to share your experience with loved ones, or access much-needed support - whether that’s from your GP or your family.

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At the end of the day there’s nothing that will take away from how horrible this experience is for anyone trying for a baby. But by encouraging greater discussion of this topic, we can improve support for those affected and hopefully see an end to the silence.