Spark or Settle? Lessons from Hugo Hammond of Love Island UK 2021
I have often thought about this question (aside from Hugo in the most recent Love Island series reminding me). Should we wait until we have a spark with someone, or should we just settle for someone we could grow to like? Someone we know we could get on really well with, someone who our friends and family think would be great.
A lot of the people I have fancied I have grown to fancy. I haven’t looked at them and instantly had butterflies. I haven’t kissed them and had that Princess Diaries “foot popping kiss”. I started to think the spark just didn’t exist for me. Maybe I wasn’t meant to have the type of love or attraction people sing about. Then I met this one guy and from the moment I saw him I fancied him; from the moment we spoke,I knew there was an attraction. That feeling has made me realise that you don’t have to settle. Why should you? People have said to me, you don’t need to settle, you’re 23 - but age shouldn’t matter. Whether you are 23 or 63, you shouldn’t settle.
This is something I have considered in relation to me and the people in my life, but not really in a wider context. That is, until this year's Love Island UK. If you are watching it or have seen anything about it on social media, you will have heard of a man called Hugo Hammond. Hugo is a PE teacher and has been branded this season’s “nice guy”. He hasn’t had much luck finding love in the villa and despite having girls come in who say they are attracted to him, he would rather stay in friendship couples. On multiple occasions, he has spoken to women who showed interest in him to let them down blaming the fact that there just isn’t a spark.
His reluctance to fake an attraction has caused mixed views on social media, with a lot of people saying he is just in there for the free holiday and doesn’t really want to find love. People have said he should be kicked out because he has the chance to be with women but turns them down, and after all this is Love Island, not Friend Island.
Initially, people cut him some slack. No one in there was his type. He said his type was tall, blonde, natural looking women. Then, the producers brought in a girl who, on paper, seemed to be a perfect match for Hugo. She was blonde, natural, and said Hugo was her type. He still wasn’t interested though, which has caused people to question why he is in the villa. Why won’t he just couple up with her, she’s his type and she fancies him.
Is that really enough though? Just because someone is technically your type, it doesn’t mean you have to fancy them. If there isn’t a spark, there isn’t a spark.
So many couples on Love Island are likely in it more for the exposure and opportunities rather than finding the one, evidenced when they all start splitting up once the club appearances and interviews start wearing thin. Clearly these couples, or at least half the couples, have settled for someone they knew they were vaguely attracted to or could grow to be attracted to. In the long run though, what good does this do? Someone is bound to get hurt.
I’m not saying if there is an initial spark, things will last, or even that all you need is a spark, but if you know it’s not there you are well within your right to not start something with someone. Just because Hugo is on Love Island it does not mean he has to force himself to like someone. It’s called Love Island and if he can’t see a future with someone, why waste time trying to force something that just isn’t there.
A relationship is built on far more than this initial spark. You need more than just a surface attraction to someone, but it definitely helps if you fancy them or get the ‘want to rip your clothes off’ feeling. With that in mind, I think people need to stop attacking Hugo for knowing what he wants and going after it. The new girl Georgia seemed lovely, but maybe Hugo just wasn’t that attracted to her or maybe the conversation didn’t flow. Whatever it is, I don’t think he owes it to anyone to force things. It’s not fair on him to settle and it’s not fair on her to be with someone who doesn’t think she is the most amazing person in this world. Also she took him telling her the truth about his feelings with admirable grace.
Admittedly, some great relationships come from friendships, but no one wanted Hugo to couple up with her as a friend, they wanted him to couple up with her romantically. I think he is setting a good example. You don’t have to be with someone just because they like you. Be honest with them, be kind but honest. Both of you will ultimately be grateful for the honesty as you won’t be wasting your time with someone that won’t make you happy or fulfilled.
I don’t think I need to wonder about the answer to my initial question and funnily enough Love Island has helped me with that. I look at the couples like Liam and Millie and know that’s really what we all want. They knew straight away they were attracted to each other and as soon as they spoke, they knew the attraction went deeper than what was on the outside. If this year has taught me anything, it’s that that initial spark does exist, and you don’t need to settle with someone just because you feel as if you need to be in a relationship. Your self-worth is not dictated by your relationship status, in fact, they have nothing to do with each other. So have fun, flirt, meet new people and don’t settle for someone just because they want you.
