Self-grace: Is that allowed as an entrepreneur?
As a woman and an entrepreneur, have you been in a position where you feel you must perform above and beyond people’s expectations? We live in a culture where the female entrepreneur is up and coming. She is a bold, fierce, confident woman running a successful business and to top it off, she’s cooking meals and looking after her family. She has many responsibilities, probably one too many to count, and yet when things start to go crazy and unmanageable, she falls apart and cries. She is no longer the confident, bold, superwoman we are all familiar with. She is the human woman that makes mistakes. The human woman that tries to hold it all together on the outside yet on the inside, she’s panicking every second. She feels guilty for letting people down and worst of all, she let herself down. She goes down the horrible train of thought of “I’m not good enough”, “I should’ve known better.”, and “I’m such an idiot, fool, etc” (You get the picture).
As women, we tend to carry the world on our shoulders and when we fall short, we don’t step back and learn from it. Often, we belittle ourselves and feel guilty about it. Being on the entrepreneurship journey, requires moments of self-grace and there are dozens of situations where it is much needed. Here are just three examples where self-grace can be utilized and tapped into so that you can remain being the human woman (flaws and all) and less of a superwoman (you can rock the cape if you want to, no judging here!)
FORGIVE YOURSELF
Let’s talk about forgiveness. Ahh…forgiveness. It is such a concept that is challenging for anyone to work through. One of my mentors says that ‘Forgiveness is a daily practice’. When we talk about forgiving ourselves, it is a patient and loving process. This is where self-grace steps in. You have to be kind and loving towards yourself if mistakes are made, even if you were the only one who was affected. Instead of following the negative self-talk, take a moment to close your eyes and breathe. Regain your mental composure and if able, remove yourself from the situation. Acknowledge what has happened and give yourself permission (THAT IS KEY), to take a step back. Practice telling yourself every day that you forgive yourself for the mistake and refrain from any negative self-talk.
BE REALISTIC WITH EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF
When we have one too many things juggling in the air, we like to be perceived that we have it all together. We can naturally be hard on ourselves in attempting to maintain the perception of perfection. We feel that we have to live up to unrealistic expectations in order to please those around us. I was visiting a friend at her house the other day where she continuously apologized for her house being cluttered and messy. My friend has two young children (8 and 4) and there were toys scattered, dirty dishes in the sink, and perhaps a dirty sock in the living room. I, myself, have a child so I get the cluttered house image. I couldn’t care less, but my friend kept apologizing for the mess. I finally had to stop her and say “listen, your kids are well, they are bathed, and they are fed. You’re doing great! Don’t worry about the mess”. When we try to live up to unrealistic expectations or achieve an unattainable perception of perfection, we forget to give ourselves grace and realize that we are women doing the best we can, with what we have. So, breathe! Let down your hair, have a cup of tea and let the dishes sit in the sink.
LOOK OUT FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS (AS WELL AS EVERYONE ELSES)
Women tend to put the needs of others before their own. We are responsible of looking after our children, our partners, our friends, our family, pretty much everyone! Unfortunately, this is a developed habit that evolves over time. When you get used to putting yourself on the back burner, you forget what it’s like to put your own needs first. It’s a foreign concept for some and a much-needed priority to address. It’s like that famous saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” When you give yourself grace in this area of addressing your needs, it may feel weird at first. Perhaps you may even feel a twinge of guilt. Watch out though… that’s when the mental talk comes into play and layers on the guilt talk even more. It’s important to recognize and be aware of your thoughts when you allow yourself grace so that you can rest and replenish. We all need moments of grace whether we’re running a business or running our family.
Self-grace is increasingly more important in our climate because we need to be the role models for our team, family, and friends. If we can display actions that we look after ourselves with grace, love, and kindness, then we are not held to the unrealistic perfection expectations that people feel the need to hold us to. We are human women living in a human world. We make mistakes, own our imperfections and display confidence when we are running a business. So have grace on yourself. It looks good on you!
