Dealing With Father/Mother’s Day When One of Your Parents Isn’t There
The death of a parent can change family dynamics forever. When you lose one of them, you may feel yourself becoming a small, scared child again. Celebrating Father’s or Mother's Day after the death of a parent can be possible, though it might hurt at first. Here are a few tips to get you through one of the most challenging days of the year.
1. Focus on other family members
Your parents aren't the only parents in your life. Instead of sitting around and stewing in negative emotions and potentially harmful memories, reach out to another parent in your life. For example, you might have a sibling who's a parent or an aunt or uncle who may not be getting any visitors. Try to shift some of the attention onto another parent you can celebrate for the day. You can also visit your other parent and celebrate them, even if the day isn’t traditionally for them.
Similarly, you may need alone time and might not appreciate constant invitations to hang out with another family. Pay attention to your feelings — if hanging out with other people feels damaging to your mental health, you need to listen to your mind. Setting those emotional boundaries will improve your relationships and empower you to do what's best for yourself.
2. Opt out of emails
If the holiday makes you too emotional to think about, check your inbox. Some companies or newsletters you subscribe to might send out Mother's or Father's Day specials. Many organizations allow you to opt out of these emails, as they don't want to strike a sore point. If it's an option, try unsubscribing from those particular updates. Then, you'll get any other email as normal after the holidays.
3. Sleep in and prioritise self-care
These holidays can be hard for several people. You need to take the rest you deserve, even if it might feel hard to close your eyes. Without getting enough sleep, you risk a weakened immune system, which means your body won't be as prepared to fight off any illnesses.
If you can't fall asleep on your own, try building habits that get you tired or drinking a tart cherry juice mocktail. By taking care of yourself on these holidays, you'll prioritize the care your parents likely would have wanted you to have.
4. Visit their grave
While it may not compare to celebrating the day with your parent, visiting their grave might help you receive closure in a special way. Celebrating Father’s or Mother's Day after the death of a parent is never quite the same, but you can still spend it with them.
Though it will be a one-sided conversation, speaking to your parent's grave can help you feel connected to them and allow you to grieve meaningfully, which can help give you closure. You can visit them alone if you want to be by yourself, but you can also bring other people if you need support.
5. Continue old traditions
If it doesn't hurt too much, try to keep up with any traditions you established with your parents when you were younger. For example, if you made your mom or dad a particular breakfast in bed as a kid, make yourself that same breakfast as a way to honor them. If you gave your mom her favorite flowers, make a bouquet featuring her favorite blooms and yours.
It might be difficult to continue traditions without your parents there. If you have a partner or children, you can ask them to join you in continuing those traditions. That way, you won't have to experience them alone. Bringing holiday traditions to the next generation can be a great way to see just how your parents' spirits live on.
6. Do something active
Celebrating Father’s or Mother's Day after the death of a parent can leave your head swimming with thoughts. The best way to clear them would be to go outside for fresh air and activity. Try to plan something fun with a loved one on this day. If your parent liked beautiful scenery, consider hiking in your local area. That way, you're doing something they would love while clearing your mind.
You can also involve the rest of your family in this activity. If you have kids, you have an excuse to make up songs and games that will delight them and motivate them to finish the hike or other exercise. You might feel better after spending time outside in nature, with or without anyone to keep you company.
7. See a counselor
You may need to talk to someone if you struggle with inconsolable grief years later. See a grief counselor and learn the coping skills to help you through this holiday and others like it. Your loved ones likely wouldn't want you to be upset — they would want you to move forward with your life and continue working toward what makes you happy. A counselor can help you navigate complex emotions regarding these holidays.
Celebrating after the death of a parent
The celebration may never quite be the same, but you can still be grateful for the memories you made with your parent. Mother's and Father's Day won't be the same once you've lost someone who meant the world to you, but you can find other ways to celebrate the day while still honoring your parents.
Losing a parent is never easy and it continues to leave a hole in your heart for years to come. However, by taking small steps to heal and celebrate their memory, you can still have a lovely Father's or Mother's Day while remembering all the good times you had with yours.
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Beth, the Managing Editor and content manager at Body+Mind, is well-respected in the mental health, nutrition and fitness spaces. In her spare time, Beth enjoys cooking and going for runs with her dog.
