Angry Black Woman: A creation of the patriarchy

I’m standing in the middle of the room screaming but no one hears it - that’s what it’s like to be a (black) woman - no one cares to hear you scream. You feel alone.

Black women have to deal with so much, often in environments where we are the only person of colour (POC) in the room, one of the things we have to contend with on a daily basis is our hair. We are told our hair is too unruly and unprofessional making us constantly anxious when starting a new job - will they accept me as I am or will I need to assimilate to their version of professional? 

I have had colleagues make comments about my hair in every job I’ve ever had. I once had the HR manager tell me that I looked prettier with straight hair - If HR felt ok to make such comments I could only imagine what other people were saying. 

Who are we meant to complain to when the very people hired to help us have no understanding of their own actions and the effects they have on their colleagues.

We are often left out and forgotten, even with fights that affect us directly. Black women are not acknowledged in work, life, or death - making us disposable. Our screams are met with ridicule, judged and silenced - our emotions irrelevant as we watch women of colour being murdered, sexualised and used as props in the media. 

A fine example of this is the Breonna Taylors case - a woman who was murdered in her sleep by the Louisville Metro Police Department (LMPD). Her likeness was used on magazine covers, protest posters and t-shirts but sadly she never received the justice she deserved. On Wednesday 23rd September Brett Hankison (one of the officers involved in her murder) was charged, not with Breonna Taylor's death, but with wanton endangerment, for firing into a neighbour's apartment in Louisville - it seems drywall has more value than the life of a black woman. 

We once lived in a matriarchal system but by the time we began recording our history through literature, men had begun rewriting and writing our history - the patriarchy had taken over. 

This has been drilled into our society -  our history lobotomized. 

We are taught that men have more value because they are the breadwinner - they are more likely to receive a raise after having children than women because women are still seen as the caregivers, this is made even clearer with the parental leave guidelines we have here in the UK - men are only entitled to two weeks whereas women are entitled to 52 weeks. 

I remember having a conversation with the CEO of the company I worked for about feminism - this was not a conversation I initiated and I was very uncomfortable hearing his views as we waited to board the plane to Amsterdam. He thought that women wanted more for less - even making comments about women on maternity leave coming back to work and expecting the same level of pay. I sat there unable to speak as he spoke at me mansplaining feminism. 

How are we going to bridge the gap if the heads of many companies feel this way? 

Entitlement is a dangerous form of power and it is ever so prevalent by the way our government runs this country - women used to have to pay tax on tampons while men were able to get Viagra on the NHS. Making choices about our bodies without our consent - pro-choice a crime. 

We have a man who has so proudly made sexist and racist comments in power, running our country - highlighting where we are as a nation, with right-wing propaganda and organisations coming out the woodwork each day. We see it in how our supposedly unbiased newspapers choose to report on crimes such as rape - victim-blaming or their reactions to the Black Lives Matter movement. We are in crisis. 

Recently Cardi B and Megan thee Stallion released the ultimate sexual liberation anthem, Wet Ass Pussy (WAP) and they got a lot of flack over it - people went as far to question their upbringing. 

Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion are what happens when children are raised without God and without a strong father figure. Their new “song” The #WAP (which I heard accidentally) made me want to pour holy water in my ears and I feel sorry for future girls if this is their role model! - James P Bradley,  a congressional candidate from California

This song only highlights how women are pigeonholed and how people define them by their pasts - why can’t you raise money for charity, work in political circles and be an advocate for sexual liberation? 

Why is our sexuality an issue? 

Men can have sex with as many women as they like but if a woman sleeps with more than one guy in her life, she’s a whore. Sex is a gift! An exploration of the human body - natural. So, why is it such a crime to want it?  

Men have been exploiting women for decades in the media and it’s only ever been an issue when men are affected. These same men who exploit us as a sex also lift up the women they feel are worthy.

Men have been raised to think they have certain privileges that are not permitted to women such as the flexibility of monogamy. Men cheating or having second families is such a common trope that it has been used in movies and tv shows for dramatic effect or for comedic purposes. This mistreatment of women and leniency of male bad behaviour has been prevalent especially in black families with women staying with men who mistreat them - allowing them to do as they please as long they come home - in turn, birthing the term baby daddy which although has roots in Jamaican culture, has swiftly become a term with negative connotations. 

Men have issues with the broken home myth, but they are partly to blame because of their constant need to fulfil their never-ending desire to fornicate. I know so many people who have family members with multiple secret families and it is deemed ok, but if a woman were to have an affair she would be the town harlot. If we are going to break the cycle and return the excellence of the black nuclear family we have to call out men who behave this way.   

We have to normalise calling out men who behave this way. Ideologies like boys will be boys and girls just want to have fun must be eradicated in our culture because they are destroying us. As women, we have to respect ourselves and the other women in our lives and understand this behaviour is disrespectful. This casual mistreatment of women stems from the patriarchal system that is prevalent in our culture that it’s almost ingrained in our DNA - we must dismantle the system that oppresses us. 

When it comes to the patriarchy’s treatment of women, you only work this hard to destroy something you’re afraid of. - Jameela Jamil

As black women, we have so much to contend with on a daily basis without having to also justify our need to exist as women. 

I remember having a male doctor during a visit to a GUM clinic when I was 18. I was in a cold sterile room with my legs in stirrups, this was one of the few times I had been in this position with strangers staring at my void. I looked in shock, horrified at not only having a male doctor glaring at my vagina, but him having to stick a metal penis up there - he told me to relax as he shoved it up my vagina, he wasn’t gentle, I thought to myself, how could I relax in this new and unusual situation? It was the most awkward feeling. Especially being so young and having only had female doctors up until that point.

I’ve never had an issue getting my breasts out to check for lumps in front of male or female doctors. But the vagina is like this mystical thing that everyone’s afraid of - there’s this stigma around vaginas. They have to be these snipped, pruned and ready hidden gems that are specifically for the enjoyment of men. There are depictions of women wearing chastity belts with their fathers holding the key in period movies, which only further pushes the narrative of women needing to be pure and the power of sex being bestowed upon the man.  

We have to take back ownership of our own vaginas.

When we are born we come out of our mothers screaming and continue to do so as women - even collectively our screams fall on deaf ears. 

Overreacting and emotional - we can’t seem to win.