We chat to Liz Beardsell of Diary, She Wrote podcast
Photo credit: Brenna Duncan
You first started writing your diaries when you were quite young. What made you first start writing and did you think that you would be still doing it now?
I remember I was standing in the corridor at my junior school in my PE kit when I was 12 years old, and one of the teachers I really looked up to, Mr Long, was talking to some other students. I overheard him say that he had written a diary every day of his life. That stuck with me and made me think maybe I could write a diary too. At the time I was reading ‘The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole’ which I loved, so I thought maybe I could have my diaries published one day too. When I started, I intended to write every day, but if I had told my 12 year-old self I would still be doing it now, she would probably be quite surprised that I kept it up for this long!
Writing a diary is quite a personal thing, what made you decide to share it with others?
I was away for New Year’s Eve with a group of friends, and I read a few extracts just to see their response. They seemed to like them, and it felt like a massive compliment. It made me think that I had a story and that maybe others would get something out of hearing it.
I first read them out in public at a spoken word event at The Book Club in Shoreditch. It was an all-female open mic night, and it was an intimate location with around 100 people. Some of my friends were with me, but most of the people in there were complete strangers. I felt quite confident going in, but then when I saw other people perform, I started thinking ‘oh no, I can’t do it’, and then the imposter syndrome really kicked off. Once I actually started reading my diary out loud in the room, I got a really good reaction and that gave me more confidence to carry on.
Did reading out to a room full of strangers make you feel vulnerable, like bearing your soul?
The stories I shared at the open mic night, and at subsequent spoken word events were ones that didn’t make me feel too exposed and were not too personal. It was only when I started the podcast that I decided to share more personal things, such as talking about my experiences with Vaginismus. Sometimes it can almost feel quite shameful to have a problem with your vagina and others might be going through it and not know what to do about it, so I wanted to talk about it. There isn’t a lot of media coverage on this issue, but I hoped that by sharing my experiences it would help others even though I did feel like I was bearing my soul a little bit.
You launched your podcast earlier this year, during lockdown, what was your motivation to start it?
After doing that initial spoken word event, I started organising female spoken word events for charity where along with others I would do readings. About 60% of the audience was made up of friends and the reactions I got were brilliant. They kept telling me I should do something with it and that a podcast would be a great way to share it. I actually spent about 6 months thinking about it mainly because I didn’t necessarily feel that I have had the most interesting life compared to others, but when my friend’s partner, Ethan, a trained sound engineer said he would be happy to co-produce my podcast I took that as a sign to do something about it.
In January 2019, I made one resolution and that was to start a podcast. The first week in January I sat at my kitchen table and wrote on Post-It notes all the different stories and themes that stood out to me. I went through and transcribed relevant entries and then recorded it at Ethan’s house and he then worked his magic to make it sound great. He also composed the jingle which is great.
The second series, which came out in August, was with a different producer, Dawn Kelly who runs her own production company, Bird Lime Media. She actually contacted me on Instagram after hearing the first series and said ‘I wish I had produced your podcast’ so I got in touch with her to see if she wanted to help me, as Ethan was too busy to work with me. It’s been really great working together and we get on really well.
Photo credit: Brenna Duncan
How does it make you feel to know there are people out there listening to your podcast?
It was a pleasant surprise when people started contacting me via Instagram and nice to receive messages and positive feedback. Many of the messages were from women, who had just come out of a long-term relationship and going into dating, which is something that I discuss in the podcast. Also, for some they contacted me after hearing someone else going through Vaginismus too and said it was good to hear about someone else going through it and discussing it in an honest and personal way.
One woman got in touch after the episode where I talked about losing a parent. She said that when I talked about choosing a funeral outfit or acknowledging it had happened when at school prompted memories for her. A few teachers and therapist have also said that they have shared the podcast with students who also may have gone through the loss of someone at a young age. It’s great to know that it resonated with others, and hopefully helps them feel less alone in dealing with their situation.
Do you think that your marketing background helped in promoting your podcast?
Definitely! I’ve always worked in marketing, so I treated the podcast like a product launch. I wrote a press release and sent it out to media. I also created flyers and put them in local coffee shops, and even managed to brand the windows of an empty shop unit which gave me great coverage.
When I launched my Instagram account for the podcast, I aimed to target 1000 people to ensure that they were engaged before the launch of the first episode. I literally contacted everyone I knew, people I worked with, my plumber, my old landlord, even people that I had dated, but thankfully it paid off!
Going through your diaries for your podcast, how do you feel re-reading past entries? Does it bring up old feelings and memories, or are you able to view better with some distance?
When I re-read some of my entries, I go through a mixture of emotions. In some parts when I read back conversations it was obvious what someone was trying to say to me like they didn’t fancy me or something but at the time you have your own agenda and see things in a different way. Then there were times when I am embarrassed reading about the way I behaved. Like when I was 14, my mum took me on holiday to Australia, but instead of enjoying the amazing country I was in, I was moaning about missing out on what my friends were doing back in Manchester.
Some of the entries are really joyful to read back as they represent an important time, like meeting people who I didn’t realise at the time would have such an impact on my life, or remembering great nights out and sharing them with friends now who are like ‘I forgot about that!’ There are also times when I can hear my gut talking and I wonder why I didn’t listen to it at the time.
Are friends wary of sharing things with you in case they end up as part of the podcast?
Surprisingly, a lot of my friends actually want to be in the podcast. They keep asking me ‘when am I going to feature on the podcast?’ I’m not sure how it will affect dating. I haven’t really done much since I launched the podcast mainly due to Covid-19, but I wonder if I tell dates what I do, they might worry that they will end up in my podcast. I didn’t really think that through, did I?
Photo credit: Brenna Duncan
You were described by Grazia magazine as ‘the millennial Bridget Jones’, how did that make you feel?
When I read that, it was a massive compliment as I grew up reading the Bridget Jones books and loved them. Obviously, she is quite unlucky in love, but I would expect that if she was dating now, she would probably be going through the same emotions that I talk about on the podcast.
Do you find that writing things down helps you deal with things in a better way?
Writing things down helps me to process each day. Sometimes, I go through the day and I might feel frustrated or anxious, but it is not until I write it down that I realise why I was feeling like that and then I can deal with it.
If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?
To be honest, I probably wouldn’t allow my 12-year-old self to read some of my diaries from now!
I was a bit of a late developer and that was something that I worried about, but now I would reassure myself that everything was going to be ok and tell myself that I will have a lot of fun when I’m older. When I look back some of the things that I was worried about seem quite ridiculous now but at the time they were really important!
Looking back, what do you think was your best year?
I think 2014-15 were probably my best years. I was in place where I took myself out of my comfort zone and I was in a good place with my career, so shifted my attention to socialising a bit more and having fun. I partied lots and met loads of great people.
Series 3 will be launching in early 2021, what themes will you be looking at?
Whilst I was doing research for Series 2, I made notes of things that I thought could work for this series, so I have quite a few areas I know I want to cover. Series 3 will have more stories about modern dating, including first dates that go wrong or relationships that don’t quite work out. I wanted to also show the joy of being single and all the great friends I have met since becoming single. Uni days will also be included. I went to quite a small university compared to a lot of my friends, we didn’t even have a student union, so my experience was quite different, but it still had its share of fun and drama.
What’s next…?
I used to be more of a forward planner, but now I like to just see what happens. I have a few ideas of what to do after Series 3, but for now I would say just watch this space…
