Every minute of every day we are making choices. We may not realise this, but we always have a choice. Some might say we have too much choice. Greg McKeown wrote ‘Essentialism’ in which he describes the problem of having too much choice. It can mean we feel exhausted by the many choices we feel we have to make each day. Everything from which of the many news programmes available to us, the social media channels, breakfast options, coffee and tea options, options of what to wear and so on even before we leave (or choose not to leave the house) to go to work in the morning. By the time we get halfway through the day we have ‘choice fatigue’. 

Various studies show that as people make more decisions, their subsequent decisions are rushed, or they don’t decide at all and just allow things to happen The science of choice fatigue. This can mean that the outcomes you achieve in life/work are not always the best outcomes.

Some choices are easy, and some are very difficult. Making choices based on a detailed understanding of your values is essential. Understanding what matters most to you in life/work helps decision making, making it less overwhelming and exhausting. It also delays choice fatigue. 

Our values influence what we do, how we think and how we feel about the world around us. When we do or see things that go against our values, we feel compromised and have strong emotional responses such as sadness, frustration or even anger. We can become dysregulated and stressed which affects our performance. When we live life in a way that aligns with our values, we feel authentic, fulfilled, and happy. We become regulated and integrated, this way of being not only supports our performance it also enhances our mental, emotional, and physical resilience.

Understanding our values enables us to understand what drives and motivates us and clarifies what and who we want to avoid in life. Clarity can help us to choose roles, activities and people that encourage us to be our Highest Potential Self. 

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are” - Roy. E. Disney.

My values have been tested recently and I have had to make a difficult choice. I consider myself to be a responsible and compassionate person. In my book, ‘Super Neuro You’, I list compassion as being a superpower alongside eight others, including choice. 

After almost 2 years of trying to help my elderly mother manage her mental and physical health conditions, choosing to put her needs above my own I have had to make a different choice. Last week, I chose to stop. In short, nothing I was doing was making a difference. That is, nothing I was doing was making her happier or healthier. At the same time my choice to put her needs before mine was making me unhappy and affecting my health.

I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother and yet chose to do the right thing by her. Once I realised that this choice was having an extremely adverse effect on me, I applied self-compassion and stopped. Compassion is the ability to sense suffering in others and take action to reduce that suffering. Self-compassion is when you notice the suffering in yourself and take action to reduce that suffering. I made the choice to reduce my own suffering as this will make a difference. I am choosing to focus on my needs, my mental, emotional, and physical health, which have recently been suffering. 

Making this choice wasn’t easy. I have had to prioritise my values. My sense of identity is based on living true to my values, but we can’t always live to all our values at the same time. I have prioritised my need to make a difference over everything else. By accepting my need for self-compassion, I will be able to make a difference for myself and in turn I will be healthier, happier, and more able to make a difference for the people I care about, including my partner, my daughter, my father, my friends, and my clients. I will no longer waste my precious time where I cannot make a difference. 

Written during the Covid-19 pandemic, my book ‘Super Neuro You’ is designed to help readers access the superpowers of their Highest Potential Self, positively influence the people they connect with family, friends, colleagues, and community, creating a huge ripple effect of positive change. ‘Super Neuro You’ was published in April 2021 and became an immediate bestseller on Amazon. 

“This book is brilliant for anyone who stands in their own way and doesn't know why! The science is all there, but it's written in such a clear relatable way that it's easy to take the learnings and use them practically. The way the book follows a fictional character really brings to life how the tools can help, and the exercises are great. I took a few totally life changing tools from the book and still go back for ideas. Useful for business leaders and anyone looking to live a happier life in general. Highly recommend!” - Amazon customer review

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Claire is founder of her coaching business - Leaders are making a difference ltd.

https://www.leadersaremad.co.uk/ a business born from her passion to inspire and enable people to become leaders who make a positive difference through the influence of their role. Claire has an extensive background in Senior Leadership and Executive Director roles across diverse industries and in major brands. It’s not too late to join her Super Neuro You group coaching programme  which starts 7th September.