When giving advice to people in relationships, the most common phrase seems to be 'compromise.'  My boyfriend and I compromise in all sorts of ways: curry is my boyfriend's favourite food, and he hates cheesy sauces.  I've learned to enjoy a veggie balti and to keep my beloved mac and cheese to a minimum.  My boyfriend hates being the centre of attention.  Still, he has chosen a former drama student as a life-partner, and so he comes to Secret Cinema and holds my wine when I get far too theatrical. 

One compromise I have made during the relationship tester of lockdown is to donate my time to watch the Star Wars movies.  

My boyfriend loves Star Wars.  About two years in, I discovered he had only played Star Wars Monopoly and had no idea of the colour or location of Regent Street. I know, I'm a saint for taking him on.  He isn't a fanatic, but every celebration ensures that a new piece of Star Wars merchandise enters our home.  I understand the fascination with space, but aliens, laser battles and starships just aren't my thing.  

And yet, after one particularly rough week in lockdown, I suggested a Star Wars marathon just to bring his smile back. 

The films remind me of my Dad; him rewinding the VHS with me sat on the sofa, hugging a bowl of popcorn, so excited to spend a few hours with him.  I understood the films to be a tale of good versus evil and, particularly for the originals, this is true.  But it was watching the prequels that my perspective of the story changed.

The prequels follow the story of Anakin Skywalker from a young boy to trainee Jedi and his conversion to the dark side; ending with his rebirth as Darth Vader.  I always thought of Darth Vader as a power-mad, super villain, containing only pure evil and the worst intentions.  But that isn't the story.

Anakin turns to the dark side through a series of events.  Firstly, he's an angry and frustrated young man whose talents are repressed by the Jedi council. He doesn't feel listened to or understood.  Secondly, he is afraid that his wife, Padme, will die in childbirth. Senator Palpatine manipulates his fear, leading Anakin to believe he can save her life and persuading Anakin to join the dark side.  Anakin's journey to evil is paved with choices - it shows us that evil is created, not born.  This, in turn, teaches us empathy. If you can understand why someone does something, perhaps there is a way to communicate for change.  There were moments where Anakin's path could have gone another way if someone had listened.

Don't misunderstand me, understanding does not absolve people of their actions; we all make conscious choices.  If we look at the abhorrent actions of the far-right who descended on Parliament Square in June; the drunk, violent and racially abusive, it seems impossible to understand them.  They weren't born that way, so how does it happen?  

I spent much of my childhood experiencing racism on the wrong side - my teenage years were spent in South Africa in rural Afrikaans communities.  As a young, British girl who had grown up in Kent (I can count on one hand the number of children of colour in my school), everything about that country felt alien, most of all the racism.  I knew the words spoken were wrong, and it took years for me to understand - the hatred came from a fear of black people.  This fear is passed down through the generations and unto impressionable children who absorb language and ideas before keeping them. Hatred is founded in fear.  In her bestselling book, Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, Reni Eddo-Lodge articulates this fear in a chapter titled 'Fear of a Black Planet.'  I would suggest reading it as she articulates this far beyond my abilities.

Anakin was afraid to lose the love of his life, and it consumed him - he blamed everyone around him for his feelings and was never guided to introspect.  Our world is a scary one, fear is everywhere.  People are living in poverty, in illiteracy, in violence, and the media is force-feeding abusive rhetoric in an unprecedented way.

As a kid, I wanted to be Hans Solo (and Indiana Jones…).  No one wanted to be Palpatine or Darth Vader at Halloween. We were Leia's, Chewbacca's, Luke's and C3PO's. You never want to see yourself as the bad guy, but as white people, we have to accept we are and have been.  We've had all of the advantages of the Empire, but it's time to hang up our stormtrooper helmets and join the rebel alliance.  We have to fight the fear we see in the eyes of others, we have to push for the stories of black and brown people to be taught in our schools to keep our children unafraid.  We have to stamp out hatred when we see it and fight for what is right.  We have to have look inside ourselves and question what we have learnt.  We have to believe in the force for change.