This is the third blog in a three-blog series on the subject of self-injury. Whilst the first blog talked about self-injury and who it affects, and the second touched on how you can help a person you care about who self-injures, this blog is on the subject of alternative methods of coping with self-injury.

As with the blog on the topic of helping somebody who self-injures, there are no definitive answers to this subject, and what works for one person may not for another due to each person’s individual circumstances. For example, two popular methods put forward are to put an elastic band around your wrist and flick it against the inside of your wrist as needed; another is to hold ice against your skin.  Some people find these really helpful, but I find they make me feel irrationally frustrated, possibly owing to the fact they do nothing but give me an uncomfortable feeling, and I have ended up throwing the ice at the kitchen wall before now.  I also couldn’t list all the numerous ways that are suggested to channel self-injury urges, so instead I am going to discuss a few of the more well known ones, as well as discuss what has worked for me. With these techniques a lot will depend on the reason you self-injure. There are four main theories on why people choose to self-injure, those being to trigger endorphin release, release emotions, communication, and routines or self-nurturing.  

Endorphin Release

Endorphins are chemicals released in the brain; they have many properties but the primary ones are to cause relaxation, think clearly, and have lower levels of negative emotions. They are also referred to as nature’s painkillers. Since self-injury causes pain it is a logical leap to assume that the release of endorphins from this act helps combat the negative emotions and help the person relax. Studies have shown lower levels of endorphins in people who are depressed or suffer from chronic illnesses such as M.E and Fibromyalgia. Safer methods to release endorphins can include exercising – that recommendation to take a long walk isn’t going to fix everything, but it can help a little.  More intense exercise can also be very successful, and the longest time I went without self-injury was during the time I was weight lifting; a combination of the chemicals from exercising and the positive emotions from beating personal records provided the feedback my body and brain were needing.  

Being able to leave the house when depressed or anxious can be a huge effort of will however. It is made easier in some ways for me by having a camera and a dog. Both force me to engage with the world around me, and his exuberance about life is a great mood lifter.  But there are alternatives that can work without having to leave the house; I keep a sandbag and bat in the shed, the whole set up cost less than twenty pound and is now available whenever it’s needed.  When I am feeling angry or stressed I can hit the sandbag with the bat and it will often trigger me to have a shout and a rage. Afterwards I am usually too exhausted to have any urges left, and have that rush of chemicals that helps to dispel the urges for a longer time than, say, flicking an elastic band against my wrist. The bonus is learning to direct it outwardly which is a large problem for people who self-injure as they often turn their problems inwards; the drawback is needing relatively thick walls if you are planning to shout or scream in case you scare the neighbours.

For me the other drawback is that it can trigger fibromyalgia or ME issues, but some days I will take the trade-off.  If you don’t have access to something like a sandbag or bat I’ve found simply crunching paper into balls and throwing them at the wall works the same way.

Ice Diving also works for this. This was suggested to me by my psychologist and actually does work. The only drawback is it is one of the methods requiring time to set up, rather than simply walking or hitting a sandbag; it also requires keeping a bag of ice cubes in the house, or some frozen trays, and a sufficiently sized bowl. The very simple explanation is that you fill a bowl with ice cubes and water; at this point it's worth wearing a towel around your neck, as you simply plunge your face into the freezing water and hold it there for as long as possible, or about 30 seconds as a recommendation. It's important the area around your eyes is submerged, and an alternative to keeping ice in the house which requires no setup, is an ice face mask you can put on making sure the area around your eyes is covered. This method triggers the dive reflex, slowing your heart rate as your temperature comes down, which is calming. It also comes as a shock, and honestly, it DOES hurt. Another alternative is to stand in an ice-cold shower, clothed or unclothed is your choice; if the urge to act is so overwhelmingly immediate just jump in. This is really effective for sudden urges where you think the harm will occur relatively soon after the urge. And by the time you have dried off the urge has usually worn off (especially if you are in wet clothes!). 

Releasing Emotions

There are a lot of methods that release emotion that will also provide an endorphin rush. All the methods above of exercise, throwing or hitting something, and ice diving, will all release emotion at the same time as creating an endorphin rush.  Whilst I’ve seen advice that eating something pleasurable will release endorphins, this is dependent on you having no disordered eating issues, as a guilt or shame spiral after eating too much, or what you consider a ‘bad’ choice can intensify the problem.  For this reason I haven’t gone into it too much.  But an alternative to release emotions, that just hardly ever gets mentioned as it almost seems taboo, is one of the simplest of human activities. Sex and masturbation release emotions and produce endorphins, but seem to be treated in a very secretive way when coping mechanisms are discussed. But, for some people, these acts are a very great way to connect with themselves or another person, whilst also providing the release and feelings needed to stave off impulses to self-injure. As with eating it needs to be safe and non-shame-provoking, which is all the more reason to discuss it openly.

Other alternatives that don’t involve eating, or any of the forms of physical exertion are art or writing your feelings down; you don’t have to be an artist or a writer and nobody has to see what you do but you, so just try it. Simply write, be it a poem, story or letter. You can throw it away after if you really hate it. Other methods you can try without needing to feel judged are to draw and paint, squeeze clay, or plaster.  It doesn’t matter how it looks; it’s about getting those emotions from inside to outside. You can also try various forms of meditation, mindfulness (don’t make that face), or breathing exercises. I could spend a whole other blog on these methods alone, but one very simple breathing exercise to leave you with is called Colour Breathing (by me at any rate). Simply allow yourself to focus entirely on your breathing and imagine the breathing you do having a different colour for the in breath and the out breath. For me I use red and blue. As I breathe in, I am breathing in a brilliant sky-blue breath, it’s cool and crisp, full of soothing and calmness; my out breath is the hot red anger, stress, or shame I feel. Gradually I am emptying my body of the hot, red breath and replacing it with the cool, calm, blue breath.  It’s a very simple and ultra-portable method of releasing emotions and dealing with stress.  If you enter ‘breathing exercises’ into any search engine you will be swamped with alternative methods that may suit you better.

Communication

If self-injury is a method of communicating the pain you feel there are also alternatives. One of the toughest things to do is to talk to somebody else when those feelings hit, but communicating what is going on in your head can be an important key in helping have your feelings validated.  If you feel you don’t have anybody you can open up to, there are always places like the Samaritans who will listen to you. They also do an email service if you would prefer to write your feelings down. Their number is 116 123 or email is available on jo@samaritans.org. Email replies can take up to 24 hours, but if you still aren’t comfortable with conversations then ‘SHOUT’, a similar volunteer service, have a text service where you can have a text conversation by texting SHOUT to 85258 24/7.  All major phone networks provide these texts free on their services.

As mentioned above, various art forms or writing can also communicate the tough feelings. One of the poems I wrote to try and talk about the feelings I was trying to deal with when tempted to self-injure, started by simply describing the window I was looking at; it ended up being quite a good way of describing how I was feeling at the time, and I have performed it in front of an audience since. A very simple writing exercise is called hot-penning or free-writing. It’s as simple as grabbing a pen and paper, setting a three-minute timer, and beginning to write. Don’t try to force it, just write what you are thinking even if it’s ‘I don’t know what to write and this is a stupid bloody exercise’.  For the whole three minutes don’t lift your pen off the paper, and don’t stop writing, even if all you are writing is Banana banana banana banana; eventually you will find some words will begin to flow. And, by the end of the three minutes, you may find you have been able to communicate some of what you are feeling inside, and what you then choose to do with that writing, be it burning it, binning it, or using it for therapy or the basis of more writing, is up to you. 

Routines/Self-nurturing

Sometimes self-injury can be habitual; it can be a need to follow the routine to deal with the feelings, or see certain visuals.  This can be harder to deflect.  Using marker pen seems to help channel things safely for me. Using a thick red chisel-tipped marker pen I draw red lines all over my forearms and/or legs; the pens aren't too expensive and easy to access at all times. Usually I draw with a heavy slashing motion. The swiping sudden sensation helps, as does the redness which is strangely calming, especially considering that when I practice methods such as colour breathing, red is the colour I'm trying to rid from my body. But it gives the visual you usually gain through self harming, which may be why this helps.  After I've done this, I scrub it off in the shower with a rough sponge and this sensation is also helpful. 

The Butterfly project can also be of use here. It’s a simple but powerful technique that originated on a Tumblr blog. You draw a butterfly on your body where you would usually self-harm and then try to keep it alive by not self-injuring; if you manage this until the butterfly fades then you have set it free to fly away. I will usually ask my husband or a close friend to draw one on me with their name, as these butterflies are extra special due to the association of love and companionship they denote; I find my strength of will is bolstered by these. The original project then goes on to say that if you self injure you kill the butterfly, or multiple butterflies if you have more than one. This may work for you.

However, I find this almost induces a level of guilt within me if I do self-injure, that is an extra layer on top of the guilt I already feel; I use a modification where if I self-injure the butterfly has to be washed off, but it's a reminder to me that the butterfly is a symbol of metamorphosis and I have to keep trying over and over again to be able to go through that process. Having a new butterfly drawn on me will reinforce the sense of love and support I have. That's not to say I treat it glibly if I have to wash the butterfly off, I simply try not to view it in terms of failure. I see it as another chance to keep trying. It's only if I give up the butterfly is killed. And if the butterfly fades without me self-injuring it has been set free to fly away. This always gives me a huge sense of achievement and bolsters me to try again. I’ve also in the past used temporary tattoos, by including my kids in putting one on it again really helps reinforce that I am loved, but also stops them asking why I have butterflies drawn on me. 

I’ve heard an alternative to this where you buy a necklace/bracelet or the beads to make one as well as some butterfly charms.  For every week/fortnight/month etc. you don’t self-harm add a butterfly charm to your necklace or bracelet. You will be able to see the success measured in the butterflies on your jewellery. This can be a new routine or method of self-nurturing to replace the old.

Channelling the harm into a less risky method

If all else fails this can help. It does mean the self-injury still occurs but is less dangerous. There are obviously quite damaging and risky methods of self-injuring which I am not going to discuss in detail but involve wounding the body or damage to the skull. Rather than do this it is worth trying a less risky method. I find a few hard slaps on the arm or leg can help as it still induces a feeling of pain. I have included this last as it still involves the act of self-injury but sometimes it's about minimising risk rather than stopping if that's simply not going to happen. 

The need for three very long blogs on this subject has been because even this far in these three articles don’t come close to scratching the surface on the issue of self-injury. But hopefully anyone who has read them has found new knowledge or resources.  For every one person who has read these, there is one more person in the world who has gained a better understanding of why this subject needs bringing out into the light. I’m a passionately vocal advocate for mental health and self-injury awareness for that very reason.

If you do want to read more articles my website is at www.thebeaniebard.com or I am on social media at www.instagram.com/the_beanie_bard or www.facebook.com/beaniebard

~TBB